missionmightymom

I failed.

It was bedtime (more than an hour past what is routine). I was stretched thin and being dominated by the tag-team, The Babes, ages 2.5 and 4.5.

Just as I would get one in bed, the other would pop out of her room. I would tend to her. “Do not get out of bed again…” And before I could even finish my statement, WHAM! –the other would tag in.

Repeat.

Repeat.

I was beat down… to an oblivion. No matter what defense I used, The Babes had me beat. Their teamwork, I must say, is impeccable.

I failed.

I yelled…yelled…at them…for my husband. And then I retreated to the garage, where it was quiet.

And I cried.

Because I failed them. I failed myself.

Should my girls have obeyed me??? Absolutely! I am not…I will not make excuses for their misbehavior. But I am the adult. I am The Momma. My job is to lead by example and yelling and throwing a fit with them can be quite confusing. And what did it accomplish? Not a thing!
(At least not a good thing)

I cried.

Because even at their worst, they deserve my best.

The Babes, the mighty tag team that they are, are still so malleable. They have kind hearts. They speak lovingly. I don’t want to be the hot-headed Momma that comes in, forcing them to walk on egg-shells, to tiptoe around in fear. I don’t want to be the one teaching them to use words or tone as weapons.

I want to discipline out of love, not out of anger. Because angry discipline is hurtful in the worst of ways.

I went to bed soon after that and I prayed. I prayed for guidance and patience and forgiveness. I prayed for rest and energy. And I prayed for someone or something to come along and cut the string that was strangling me, because it was wound so tight I couldn’t breathe.

And the next morning I apologized to Harper. Not for the discipline, but for the yelling. I explained to her that she must obey and respect. I told her that life is much more fun when you aren’t in trouble. I began to tell her that she deserves the best Momma when she interrupted me and lovingly said, “But YOU are the best Momma!”

And I cried…

I forgave myself. I relaxed. I set the ‘To-Do List’ aside. I napped in my girl’s bed all “snuggly-cozy”. And I played in the pool…just one of the girls.

Thankful to God for another day to get it right.